You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize