I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
