He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I won the penis lottery.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
