i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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