I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
