Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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