i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
