grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
