Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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