Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
