Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
