i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
