His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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