so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
