Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
