It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
