oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The struggles of a small town man whore
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
