fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
