If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
