my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
