you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize