My balls are so social today.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
