My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
