I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
