YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
