guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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