You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
