I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize