since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
