Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
