Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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