I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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