I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
