Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
