I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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