Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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