Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
