don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
