margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
