I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
