Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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