think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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