Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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