i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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