the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
