Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize