so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
