Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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