I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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