dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize