omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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