White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
