Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
