I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
