Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
