I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
