is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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