Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
