hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
