Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
