i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
