but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize