Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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