Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize