you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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