so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
