well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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