Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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