this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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