He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
