I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
